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This Exquisite State of Consiousness

Updated: May 7

Brought about by Pain - the Great Awakener

Here I sit at Ingrid and Toms in the Marahau Valley surrounded by verdant greenery and the background sound of cicadas. This is my home at present and I feel such joyful gratitude to have been with friends since we sold our home just before Xmas. Living beside Patricia with the kindness of our friends and sharing our gifts freely with them. Such rich abundance.

My experiment for the day from 50 thoughtware upgrades website : Where your attention goes, your energy flows. Will you join me in this experiment? Strengthening the muscles of consciously noticing where you are placing your attention. If you are unconsiously placing your attention, you will be flowing your consiousness towards your unconsious purpose.

Do you want that?

Case in point — this morning, as I am drinking my 2nd conscious cup of coffee, behind the lull of cicadas, I feel the throb of my knee where I tripped on the step in my haste to bring my gifts to the breakfast table. 2minutes after I made the committment to be consciously aware of everything, I completely forgot where my feet were and came crunching down on my knee, hard! Honey and salt flying in both directions, fortunately not as smashed as my knee.

Pain the great awakener strikes again. 47 years ago, when I was 21, I baptised myself in the River of Life, having come across a scripture that promised me, in the life of the Spirit, a new mind, a new heart and a new body. Taking myself under the water I let go the identity formed from my birth name of Sharmaine and came up as Renee, which I considered to mean Reborn. The pain of my life, of living as a woman in this patrirchal culture that had been so cruel to me, to my mother, my grandmother (and so many women, perhaps all of them) led me to my quest for some new life, something fresh — a way of living that was entirely different than the one I had led. What a journey!! that has brought me to this point of letting everything go, my beautiful house and garden, my career as a successful therapist and counsellor. In a quest to embark with others on establishing a living home of Archiarchy, here in the Top of the South Island, Aotearoa, NZ, a Living Archan Family Centre of Adult Initiation, the Ontree Center.

Pain, the great awakener. The whole right side of my body aches and throbs in the night as my bodywork team helps me to align my aging physical body to receive my archtypal body. Well, thats my story anyway. The pain of this transformation has brought me to my knees and with tears of sorrow I become aware of the unconscious purposes of my Gremlin, purposes of isolation, superiority, cruelty, domination, exclusion and dismissiveness. If I am not consious of where my attention goes, it will go to those underworld purposes. That is not want I want. Especially in relation to my intimate partner of 35 years as I realise that I still punish her, as I punished my mother for not giving me what I needed. When will this end? I ask myself. Now, it ends now! Once awakened there is no turning back. Conscious attention required to what I really want. Connection, Intimacy, Self-Acceptance, Love and Transformation.

With Conscious Will I do not allow myself to be pulled into the swamp, but to use this sorrow as fuel to create a new relationship, a new life, a new culture. A flower blooms from the suffering of pain and reminds me of the lotus poem which I believe is attributable to the Venerable Thích Nhất Hạnh : “From the mud it grows, searching for a light it never knows… The lotus cannot be there without the mud. Likewise, happiness can not be there without suffering. Looking deeply into our suffering, we gain an understanding of it, which gives happiness a chance to blossom. Thus, the lotus does not have to reject the mud, and the beauty of the lotus actually gives value to the mud.”

Pain, awaken me to my true purpose, that which I incarnated to this life for, to liberate myself and leave a trail for others.

……………………………..VIVA LIBERATION……………………………………. 

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